The Setting: A local community center, moments after the Divisional Championship. The Mood: Somber. Jimmy Fortuna (29) is sitting on a bench, untying his canvas sneakers. A chalk-dusted river stone—his lucky marker—is resting forgotten on the floor beside him.
Interviewer: Jimmy, thanks for giving us a moment. I know this isn’t the result you expected today. You were favored to go all the way to the finals against Alfy. What happened out there?
Jimmy Fortuna: [Takes a long drink of lukewarm lemon water] Honestly? I’m still trying to process it. You train for months on the classics. I went with “Rock All Our Babies to Sleep”—it’s a foundational piece, pure roots. I hit every landing. I didn’t have a single “Static Step” penalty. But then Eric stepped up with that modern track… it just changed the energy of the whole grid.
Interviewer: You’re talking about the “Sezso Gamble.” He used a contemporary track instead of a traditional yodel. Did that throw off your rhythm?
Jimmy Fortuna: It didn’t throw my rhythm off, but it clearly swayed the judges. I’ve spent my life studying the passaggio of the greats—Alfy, my father, his father. We believe in the “Golden Thread” as a sacred thing. Eric… he treated it like a pop song. It was athletic, I’ll give him that. His stamina on the return trip was unlike anything I’ve seen in the 20-to-30 age bracket. But it felt… different.
Interviewer: The judges were divided. One official mentioned that your technical precision was superior, but your “Artistic Flair” score was lower than Eric’s. Do you think the sport is moving away from traditionalists?
Jimmy Fortuna: [Sighs, looking at his chalk-stained hands] I hope not. If we lose the tradition, we’re just people jumping in squares. But look, I’m not going to be a sore loser. Eric put in the work. You don’t navigate Square 8 with that kind of vocal clarity by accident. He earned the win today.
Interviewer: What’s next for you? Is this the end of the season, or are you looking toward the Regional Qualifiers?
Jimmy Fortuna: I’m going back to the driveway. I need to look at my Square 10 transition. I think I held the high note a fraction too long and lost my momentum on the turn. I’ll be back. You can’t keep a Fortuna off the grid for long. We’ve got too much trill in our blood.
Interviewer: Any last words for your fans?
Jimmy Fortuna: Just keep hopping. And don’t let anyone tell you that “modern” is better than “classic.” A good yodel is timeless.

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